Building Rapport

How do you establish a connection with someone you’ve just met? A crucial element to kicking off any relationship is building rapport based on trust, understanding, and commonalities. Power networking works best when you can build rapport quickly and genuinely. Here are some tips:

  • Be authentic. Honestly, truly care about others as people first, not prospects. Your motive shows through your eyes. Reflect genuine interest on your face – an unhurried and focused expression, attentive and active listening, eye contact, and a comfortable, warm smile.
  • Present yourself well. If you were going to show a used car to a potential buyer, you would wash and wax it, right? In networking situations, you’re showing off your biggest asset – yourself. Remember that you are selling yourself as someone worth getting to know. Consequently, it’s critical to put care and thought into your appearance. Dress for the occasion. Is it a business casual mixer? A more formal function? Show that you value others – and yourself – enough to put forward your best foot. By looking pulled together, you show others that you have your act together and can function in a business setting.
  • Be confident but comfortable. As manners queen Emily Post once taught, the basic rule of etiquette is to make the other person comfortable. The same rule of thumb applies to a networking setting. Help set others at ease by being comfortable yourself. Offer a handshake, and use the timing, manner, and degree of firmness to show your poise and confidence. A first impression and even that initial handshake can set the tone of your relationship, so engage thoughtfully and wisely.
  • Learn names. One’s own name is often one of their favorite sounds. Repeat a new contact’s name in the initial conversation to show that you care about them as an individual. Recently while working in a large group setting on a project, I noticed that one man made a point of learning each man, woman, and child’s name early on. It really made him stand out as someone of quality and care – sure enough, he quickly became one of the group favorites for taking that extra step above and beyond.
  • Show genuine interest in the details. Ask new contacts about their interests, qualities, background, stories, hobbies, family, and career. Look for conversation cues like accessories or book or magazine, photos in an office, etc. Ask how he or she became interested in that hobby and what it is about it that interests him or her. Try to find commonalities and points of connection so that you can establish a foundation upon which to build. It’s even more impressive if you can remember those details and bring them up next time you talk, whether it is to ask how a child’s soccer game went or to discuss a book you’ve both read.
  • Mirror. One of the oldest tips in the book is to match communication, as it creates an instant familiarity that sets the other person at ease and draws them to you. Mirroring can be done with both verbal and nonverbal communication. If the other person leans in, wait a few seconds and lean in as well. Pick up on his or her cadence of speaking and catchphrases, then work to speak at a similar speed and use the same vocabulary. Subtlety is key – the other person should never be able to consciously catch onto what you’re doing.

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How to Mend a Broken Heart

Living through the first hours, days and then months seems like an impossibility. Just about everyone has had to endure the pain of a lost love, a love go wrong and we must go through the pain.

This is also a time to reflect on the good and the not so good in that relationship.  We can and that is exactly why we have multiple relationships, to learn what we want and need from a union with another person.

We are here to continue to evolve in our lives and to learn from all our experiences even the painful ones. As a human being we can not find in another person the things to complete us as a person. Others  can bring a degree of happiness, adventure, love and a multitude of other feelings and experiences into our lives. But if we are not truly our own best friend and love ourselves, no one else can  give us what we want.

Those things come from within not from another person, place or thing. When this lesson is learned, and not all people learn this early in life or at all, only then will a person truly be happy.

Have you heard someone say when I get this – job, house, boyfriend, car I will be happy? Happiness is the process one goes through to acquire these things not the things themselves. How often have you said “I will be happy when I get _______”, then for a short while you felt happy then an uneasiness or emptiness and you go for a new goal. This is “looking in all the wrong places” as the saying goes.  Look to yourself find happiness in the one and only place it really can come from – inside you!

When another someone comes along and they will, you will be ready and if you have learned this lesson, you will be the right one.

Create The Life You Want to Live,

Juanita ~ Evolving Naturally

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Becoming Wholehearted Through Vulnerability

When you hear the word “vulnerable,” do you shudder? Most of us view vulnerability as a weakness, a liability. We build walls to keep others from seeing our vulnerable spots – but in the process, we also block ourselves from experiencing compassion and connection, according to “researcher-storyteller” Dr. Brene Brown.

In her TEDxHouston address, Brown discusses the concept that while vulnerability is the birthplace of shame, it is also the core for compassion. While studying interpersonal connection, which “is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives,” Brown said, she found that the same people who described vulnerability as “excruciating” as she interviewed them were those who also expressed shame – the fear that their “I’m not [fill in the blank” enough weakness somehow would make them unworthy of connection if people found out about it. Ironically, it is this very fear of disconnection that keeps people from connection.

“In order for connection, we have to let ourselves be seen – really seen,” Brown said.

However, on the flipside, Brown also found that those individuals with a strong sense of connection fully embraced vulnerability, believing that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. The connected individuals discussed vulnerability in a matter-of-fact manner, neither being something to seek out or to fear. Brown refers to this sense of living as “wholehearted,” embracing both weakness and strength as critical components that make each individual who they are.

So what makes the core difference between those who were connected and those who weren’t?

After six years of study, involving hundreds of interviews and focus groups, Brown found that people with a strong sense of worthiness and belonging differed from those who struggled from that sense only on one point: they believed they were worthy of love and belonging. In other words, the only thing keeping people from love and connection was their own beliefs on their worthiness of that love and connection.

According to Brown, these whole-hearted individuals lived with three commonalities:

  • Courage to be imperfect and to tell the story of who they were with their whole hearts;
  • Compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others; and
  • Connection as a result of authenticity, willingly letting go of who they thought they should be to become who they were.

 

“I know that vulnerability is kind of the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love,” Brown said.

So how do we join the ranks of the wholehearted? Here are Brown’s suggestions:

  • Avoid the impulse to numb vulnerability through food, drugs, debt, or any other surface distractions. “The problem is… that you cannot selectively numb emotion,” Brown said. “You can’t numb the hard feelings without numbing the assets” like joy, gratitude, and happiness.
  • Stop trying to make certain that which is uncertain by the nature of life. We live in an uncertain world yet try to pin things down to be concrete or sure, and Brown said that increases the cycle of shame, as fear leads to shame of being vulnerable.
  • Let go of the drive toward perfectionism, especially in when raising children. “As parents… our job is to look and to say ‘You know what? You’re imperfect and wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.’”
  • Take responsibility for actions instead of pretending they don’t affect others. Admitting a mistake can be difficult, but it’s necessary in order to connect.

By social toolkit

Create The Life You Want to Live,

Juanita ~ Evolving Naturally

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Usman Riaz and Preston Reed

A young guitarist meets his hero

This is a don’t miss presentation!  Sit back in a comfortable chair put your feet up and enjoy this.  Sit close enough to be able to watch their hands and fingers create the magic.

Usman Riaz bio

Usman Riaz is a young Pakistani musician making a worldwide mark with his astonishing and fun-to-listen-to technique. Influenced by percussive guitarists–who move beyond strumming to striking, treating their fretboard like the soundboard of a piano–Riaz makes a sound that feels larger than the instrument itself, with a compelling pattern of repetition and variation that harkens to mystical music traditions.

In 2011, a viral video for his song “Fire Fly” helped bring his sound from the small-but-thriving Pakistani music community to a global audience. He’s now collaborating with other musicians in Pakistan and working on a new album of original music.

Preston Reed bio

Most guitarists the world over play their instruments in essentially the same way: the left hand holds the neck and applies pressure to each string to change notes, while the right hand plays the melody. Not so with Preston Reed.

In the 1980s, Reed began playing his instrument in new ways, sometimes twisting his left hand to pick out a melody while the right hand strummed accompaniment or tapping the guitar’s body like a drum. A new playing style was born, with deep chords, complex percussion, and weightless melodies. And he’s inspired new generations of guitarists to further innovate on the genre he pioneered.

Was this a most inspiring part of your day? I am in no way musical, so I really appreciate and admire people who are.  What about you? What did you think about their performances?

Create The Life You Want to Live,

Juanita ~ Evolving Naturally

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How to Not Make Phone Calls

We can all learn by the actions and non-actions of others.  Maybe you can gleam something  from my last week of non-action, procrastination and self-talks I had this past week on the subject of making phone calls.

I am currently participating in Todd Falcone’s A Team.  This is a 12 week Accountability for Entrepreneurs Academy. We are starting week 9. Last post explained about my husband’s illness and  just a week before I started this 12 week course is when my husband (Larry) took his turn for the worst.

I stopped almost all work on my business, I squeezed in business when someone called me and a few at doctors visits, but mostly stopped working. Last week was the first week I could start devoting time to work.

Every Sunday we send Christina (Todd’s assistant) a tally of last weeks numbers. Those being things like dials, messages, presentations, live conversations and new reps/customers. If you have a goal, don’t keep it to yourself.  Tell others, then you have people to help keep you on track and it is harder not to carry out what you set out to do. So I told Christina I can’t do anything about the last seven weeks of A Team but this week I was going to contact 250 people and I was looking for customers.

Monday

Monday I sit down go over my scripts. Easy scripts I know them but not well enough to not have my notes. Here is the script, see yourself it’s really quite simple.

Hello, I’m looking for ____________
Is he/she there?
OK. Great.  This is Juanita Seath and I’m a local small business owner in Roy .
I’m calling everyone in my neighborhood to ask them a question.  Do you have a minute?
 
My Company is introducing a product for people who have tummy troubles – gas, bloating, stopped up or the runs.
Like I did.
Do you know anyone who might like to know about a product like that?
 
Simple and fast right?

I found on the internet how to get all the info on my neighbors, 156 at a time around any address I type in. I have my simple script and now the list of names.

For reasons I didn’t know at the time my computer is not working correctly. I knew I was almost out of memory, but please not today. OK Geek Squad is a mile or so from my house. No Geek Squad they moved or out of business at that site. I stopped by Wood Floor Warehouse to see when they were coming to fix my floor.  Then home, dinner etc.

Tuesday

Went to the bank and while there asked if they knew anyone good with computers. Yes – got the name and went there.  He tried to fix it by closing but didn’t. No computer no names, no calling. Good Excuse.

Wednesday

OK it’s the middle of the week I can still get my computer back and make 250 calls, no sweat.  Finally he calls I get my computer plug-in my Magic Jack and the circle of death. I reboot and again the circle of death. Back to computer store. Now its late need to start dinner etc. well now it’s later and I sit down to call.  Everyone will be home I can make lots of contacts. Still sitting here, read over my script, this is a no brain er. If this is a no brain er then why am I not dialing. I can not be afraid of calling people on the phone.  I use to cold call all the time.   Well I did retire in 1996 but you never forget, it’s like riding a bike, right? OK I will call tomorrow, and tomorrow is my birthday.

Thursday

Water the garden and pull weeds in the front yard. The grounds keeper of the school comes over and sprays my many weeds in the front, this will help me catch up.

I eat, clean up, shower, email, Sherry calls with Birthday Greeting and other news. I check face book, it’s my birthday I want to see if there are any greetings.  I do everything to ignore making calls.

I acknowledge by behavior and ask why. OK if I call during the day when most people are at work I can leave messages and they don’t know me so this will be good. Start calling during the day and leave messages, then I can get more confidence in the scripts and then talk to people. Larry is home from work we go out for my birthday.

Friday

I spend time really asking myself why I was not making calls. It’s like pealing layers off an onion.  Because I don’t know the script? Yes but it’s not that simple. When I was cold calling for financial planning clients I had no problem and the script then was fast and simple and I had no problems calling people. The last eighteen months I have learned how to use my computer, programs like Camtasia, EVP, set up websites I just did what I needed to, and learned what I needed to learn. Phone calling I already knew how to and I was good at it.

I got my list of 156 neighbors and downloaded to my desktop, now I am ready to go. Larry is home from work.  He needs to use the computer so I start dinner. Etc the rest of the night.

Saturday

I write two blog posts, I am three months with no posts except Wednesday’s automatic post from social toolkit. My rankings have dropped.

I will get at-least 50 calls in so I can tell Christina  got a start. First I have to go to the store for eggs and other necessities. Saturdays and Sundays I usually work in the garden and yard but I will make 50 calls.

I have spared you many of the other busy work things I did all week but you get the idea. I made sourdough bread, fermented rice, made kefir, ordered kefir grains,made cream cheese and whey, all things I like doing but they were not calling.

I use to be an unconscious competent in knowing what and how to talk to my clients. Now I am a conscious incompetent, I believe that is the bottom layer of my onion.  I realize I can not get better at presenting my scripts if I don’t present my scripts. How can I make them a part of me and flow from my lips if I do not practice them on real people?

So to Christina and the world but mostly to myself, tomorrow is Monday and the start of a brand new week and I Will make 250 calls in week 9. Even if I must have one of my friends on a three-way call listening in and giving me their courage.  I know it is just breaking the ice on those first few calls.  No I have to do this myself and I will!

Create the Life You Want to Live,

Juanita ~ Evolving Naturally

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

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Back to business again

I have done very little work on my business the last three months.  I had to put everything on hold to help my husband get through a life threatening health crises.  Which I am very glad to report is over and he is on the mend.

It is hard to be in a forward momentum on this blog and other areas of work and then suddenly have to stop.  Be stopped for months and then pick up again.  I thought it would be easy but I am finding it more difficult than I imagined it would be.

For one reason it’s summer. Summer means organic gardening and working in the yard. Then it means doing something with produce and fruit that is more than we can eat and preserving some for winter and giving to friends what we can’t possibly use.

Reason two is I am learning a new but it is old, way of preparing food through fermentation. I am fascinated with the methods of ancient Peoples.  How they knew about and the reasons behind the practices  of preparing and preserving foods for health and ease of digestion.We of the 21 st century don’t have a clue.

Reason three, why it’s hard to get to “work” again, I like these ruts I am in. If ruts are what they are, I thoroughly enjoy my life and have full days starting at 5:oo AM and going to 10:00 PM.  But and there is usually a but somewhere, I also need what I am doing as my work.  I believe with all my heart that these products can improve the lives of so many people if they knew about them.

I know my husband would not be here today if not for our far infrared hot-house I used on him for hours and hours everyday and all night. I have used the hot-house myself for pain and to help heal my kidney and so many other reasons.

The nutritional pack that has helped heal my tummy troubles.  I haven’t been able for years   (and I mean years) to go out to eat and then go shopping, the movies or anything but come immediately home so I am near the bathroom. I took my husband lunch to the base for ten years and would sit with him in the lunchroom while he ate.  The other guys would ask from time to time,” why don’t you ever eat with Larry? You just sit there while he eats”. I couldn’t eat because I would be sick before I could get home.

Reason four and this one has really surprised me. I am reluctant to start making cold calls to find customers.  I left the financial planning world in 1996 and I use to cold call every week, no problem.  So this last week when I was finally ready to start finding customers I didn’t.  My next post will be on this.

Wow, has this post not been on evolving naturally in many ways?  Have you been evolving in someway  lately?  Please share it helps to hear from others.

Create The Life You Want to Live,

Juanita ~ Evolving Naturally

 

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Microbes and our Health

Most people are afraid of germs.  Microbes of any kind are to be killed by any means possible.  Antibiotics are taken at the first sign of illness. Antibiotics are feed to livestock and chickens because they are raised in close quarters and spread illnesses quickly and used to fatten them up..

We sanitize our homes, our cloths, our foods and our children.  Children don’t go out and play and get in the dirt like we use to. They don’t have pets like we use to.  They don’t help in the vegetable gardens like they use to.  Children don’t do a lot of things they use to do and most of those things got them up close and personal to all types of microbes.  Exposure to microbes in childhood can prevent the development of allergies.

Even babies born by c-section and not breast feed are missing out on colonies of beneficial microbes all babies use to get.

Microbes for our health

Yes there are thousands  even millions of different health providing colonies of microbes that are good for us and help to make and keep us healthy.

Jonathan Eisen: Meet your microbes   Talks | TED Partner Series

Jonathan’s talk is a great look at the good side of microbes and what they do for us.

We actually have ten times as many  microbe cells on us as we have human cells.  Now if that doesn’t make you think of them differently, I don’t know what will.  Food digestion is by microbes in our digestive system and if you eat fermented foods it is microbes that have done the fermenting.

We actually know about and use microbes for a lot of jobs around the house we just don’t pay attention to the fact that it is microbes doing the work. Febreze fabric refresher, laundry cleaners that “eat” the stains, enzymatic drain cleaner and septic tanks.  Microbes are used to digest oil spills.

I have of recent become a reader and then a doer,  preparing foods in the old traditions.  It is fascinating and enlightening to study and read about how people use to eat and preserve their food. Before refrigeration and even canning, they preserved and prepared their food in ways that made food more nutritious and easier to digest. Before the middle 1600’s (that is when the modern instant yeast was first used)  all grains were ground into flour and then mixed with a fermented milk product and set aside to ferment for days before the bread was then baked.  This fermenting of the flour is what made the grain more nutritious by making the vitamins and minerals easier to use and getting rid of the anti-nutrients and phytic acid in the grains.

The saying use to be – “we are what we eat” – but now the researchers know it should really be – “we are what we can assimilate”.

Create the Life You Want to Live,

Juanita ~ Evolving Naturally

 

 

 

 

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Following Up with Finesse

An old adage says that 80 percent of success is just showing up. But how do you accomplish that other 20 percent – particularly following a networking event like a trade show or membership meeting? What comes after collecting a stack of business cards – and handing out plenty of your own, of course – to turn new acquaintances into useful business resources?

The follow-up is easily one of the most crucial steps in the networking process. There’s a certain window of time in which you can reconnect with those you’ve just met to show your pro-activity and willingness to invest time and effort into a new business relationship.

How do you make that important next step? Here are some ideas for following up flawlessly:

  • Be organized – Upon returning to the office following a networking event, take time to prioritize your new stack of business cards by those with whom you want to follow-up within 48 hours, those you plan to contact within a week, and those to whom you’ll reach out in a few weeks. By breaking up the sometimes daunting task of following up into manageable pieces, you’ll be able to take on the challenge with confidence.
  • Plan with goals – Set a measurable goal for following up, such as getting three face-to-face meetings (whether that be over coffee or lunch, or merely in the office) out of each networking event you attend. Remember, in today’s connected world, there are a plethora of communication channels you can use in following up. Put some thought into which method will connect best with that person and how you want to present yourself.
  • Look for cues – Treat networking like going on a scavenger hunt, gathering personal clues and cues all around. People love to talk about themselves – particularly about their children, pets, or hobbies/interests. Find the common ground when you meet new people – and then remember and reference it when following up. Did he mention an upcoming trip? Respond with a suggested restaurant or tour book. Did her son have a baseball game? Ask about how the game went. Show a genuine interest in them, not just in what they can offer you business-wise. Jot down talking points before calling, or draft an email and then come back to it after a few hours before sending. Be sure to put your best foot forward.
  • Prepare for any response – Keep in mind that despite your most valiant efforts, not everyone to whom you reach out will respond in kind. It could be that they’re not interested in fostering a relationship; it could simply be that they’re too busy and don’t have the bandwidth to invest in a new relationship at the moment. Don’t get discouraged. If they don’t respond to your first contact, wait a week and reach out via a different medium. If that doesn’t take, then perhaps try once more, but beyond that, let it go. Your paths may cross again at a better time for your contact. Also, when making a meeting request, be sure to ask in a way where “no” is a viable response for them. Providing that level of ease right off the bat shows professionalism and confidence that are the building blocks for a successful business relationship.

This article from social toolkit.

Create the Life You Want to Live,

Juanita ~ Evolving Naturally

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NETWORK WITH CONFIDENCE

One of the largest obstacles to tackle in networking is the natural, self-conscious concern of rejection. “Why would someone take the time out of his or her busy schedule to help me?” is a question most newbie networkers ask. 

Networking is a critical component of continued business success. Important to remember are a myriad of reasons those you seek may be more than happy to talk with you. Here is a handful to consider:

  • Value-adding info Don’t underestimate the value you may bring to your prospect. As the old adage goes, it’s not what you know but who you know – and that includes having a network on hand with expertise and experience beyond one’s own. Think about the valuable and current information, skills and connections at your disposal. Find a way to present them in a helpful – but not boastful – manner.
  • Giving back Chances are, the person with whom you’re speaking was on the receiving end of a helping hand on his or her way to success. It’s human nature to want to reach out and help someone where we can, especially if that individual is in a situation that seems all too familiar.
  • Managing talentRegardless of what a company’s current situation, savvy managers always keep an eye out for talent, whether that be in prospective future hires, consultants, or vendors. If you have interest in moving to a specific company or industry, it never hurts to get irons in the fire sooner than later so you can transition to your future dream job. Often jobs will never post – or post for a very short time – because contacts of current employees apply first, thanks to having an in.

When preparing for a networking event, be sure you spend time outlining the value you bring to the table. That way, when you walk into a room of prospects, you’ll have the confidence to present yourself as deserving of anyone’s time and attention. Confidence is magnetic, and it will go a long way in drawing people to you, opening the door to unknown possibilities. Remember to smile!

This article from social toolkit

Create The Life You Want to Live,

Juanita ~ Evolving Naturally

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Recognizing Strengths

“Never apologize for talent. Talent is a gift!”

– Madame Morrible, Wicked

In the Broadway hit Wicked, Madame Morrible, the professor who becomes a mentor to both of the heroines, comments that one of her many talents is discovering and encouraging talent. While this line always elicits a chuckle from the audience, there is truth in what she says – namely, that not everyone has the ability to spot talent either in themselves or in others. Seeing and encouraging the strengths of others inspires confidence while also fostering understanding. After all, there are many ways to attain the same goal. Just because a colleague, friend, or relative chooses an approach different from your own doesn’t mean they lack understanding – chances are, their strengths are merely different from your own.

So how can you look for strengths in yourself and others? Here are a few ideas:

  • Promotion or prevention? Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson breaks down motivating factors into two categories: promotion and prevention. She says that people are either positively motivated by the desire to excel, or they are motivated to avoid negative consequences like losing what they’ve worked to attain. A promotion person seeks to maximize gains and avoid missed opportunities; a prevention person seeks to minimize losses. One isn’t better than the other – in fact, each brings its own values to any organization, and the two are needed to balance each other out. Better understanding what motivates you and others will help foster understanding and perspective, especially when working with people motivated by the other end of the spectrum.
  • Look at hearts – not just smarts. Often when people are highly gifted in one area, they are also deficient in another, like a talented artist who struggles in academics or a highly organized, hard-working person who has a hard time connecting emotionally with others. Rather than focusing on what’s lacking, it’s important to look deeper and to find what strengths are there. You can’t teach talent or ambition. Everyone has talents and strengths – sometimes it’s just a matter of taking the time to seek them out.
  • Appreciate instinctive skills. An instinctive skill is a skill or action that a person does or takes without any preparation or training – and which can be executed successfully upon repetition. Often these skills have more to do with overall talent than with the specific skill itself, like a natural athlete having the quick reflexes and spatial understanding to excel at a sport he or she has never played before. What comes naturally to you? Any skill can be honed and strengthened with practice and training, but having that natural ability to begin with makes it an easier journey on the road to success.

From social toolkit

Create the Life You Want to Live,

Juanita ~ Evolving Naturally

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